Cave Johnson 

Dialogue Samples 

(Introducing himself over a loudspeaker to the Player) 

Welcome, friend! I hope you enjoyed yer brief detention in the Relaxation Vault. Cave Johnson here, 
founder and CEO of Aperture Science -- the best damn applied sciences company on Earth. How good is the science here? Get a 
load a' this: I am dead! Now, yer probably askin' yourself, "Cave, come on now. How is this possible? Are you some manner of Dracula? 
Or Frankenstein? Or dependin' on yer cultural heritage, a Blackula or Latin Frankenstein? No sir! It's science. As of this mornin', yer 
old buddy Cave has been resurrected inside of a computer. And I never felt better! 

You may also be askin', "Cave, where am I? When can I leave? Am I in danger?" Let me answer them 
questions, with a question. "Who is ready for a science adventure?" Yeah! I hope the answer is you! Because 
the test starts in three… Two… Go! 

(Cave congratulates you on your success) 
Masters level testing: Completed! Hell, crushed! You. Are. A. Genius. 

(Cave contemplates the afterlife) 
I been thinkin. Heck, suspended as I am in this inky purgatorium, I got nothin' to do but think. What 
if them engineers didn't do me no favors pourin' me into a computer? What if they denied me my final reward? Lemme tell ya 
about a fella. Lived thousands a years ago. Didn't want nothin' but fer folks to be a little bit nicer to each other. And in 
the end, he sacrificed himself to save us all. You know who I'm talking about: Hercules. 

The man battled minotaurs! Medusas! Hell, he put the gods themselves in an arm bar. And for overcomin' all 
them trials? He got to go to Olympus. Damn it! I battled my monsters! Where's my Olympus? Unless… I haven't killed 
all my monsters… Anyway, this next test. Whoo… Yeah… Good luck with that…